Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
