I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize