I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
