I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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