if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
