If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
