Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
