Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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