Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
