is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
