he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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