Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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