I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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