i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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