please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
