He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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