U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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