Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
