They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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