To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
