She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
