The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize