what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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