had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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