I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
