Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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