walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
