I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
