Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize