My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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