so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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