woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shame - the story of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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