you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
