Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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