I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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