allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
