Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
