Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize