You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
