He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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