I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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