He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
