We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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