So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
