i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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