He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
