Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
