dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
