4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
