I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
