I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
