Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She swung at the pinata with crutches
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
