I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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