You're completely useless in the revolution.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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