Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish you could order shots online.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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