Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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