i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
