Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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