And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
