remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
