my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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