My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize