it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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