just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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