Sponge bath it is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
