it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
