Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
