If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize