ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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