my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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