Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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